Archive for March 18th, 2012

Please share with us your current meditation practices…  You can check more than one answer (up to three) and always add your own below or in the comments.

All poll entries are anonymous.


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English: Fabric Hindu calendar/almanac corresp...

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“In general, the first six to twelve months are recognized as months of “acute” grief, although. . .

for many people, acute grief takes many years to surface.”

~~Ashley Davis Prend, Transcending Loss:  Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful

For the most part, despite being a book based on stages, I like Ashley’s book… she has some good things in there…

We used this book a lot at the grief counseling center of our hospice.

For those who are looking for something a bit more mainstream than mindful-based approaches, this is a definite.   Her words are soothing and people find comfort in her ideas.

The smartest thing about her writing…

grief takes it’s time and it isn’t up to us…

we can’t force it, we can’t white knuckle it… well, we can, but is that really what we want to do to respond to our love changing.. our lives changing?

I get frustrated (and need to make sure that I am taking deep, slow breaths) when I hear people talk about grief as anything more than adaptive.  Adapting to what is is never easy, sometimes painful, often twisty and full of adventure…

Look how upset some of us got when Coke came out with New Coke… I know it is a silly example but come on, we were not thrilled to think that we were going to get rid of our favorite addictive beverage for one that tasted more like Pepsi.. if we wanted Pepsi, we would have bought it, right?

The point it… we become attached to things and not always in a bad way.  They become part of our lives, part of the meaning and fabric of our existence.  And we become unraveled when we lose it.

Two weeks ago, when I was doing some intensive research for a major essay I am writing for school, I was floored to see how many people were suggesting that six months should be the “normal” cut off…. what?  I can’t believe that.  Maybe if they are talking about acute and profound grief…

But we know better.. at least, any of us who have loved and had someone die.  We know that we live with the grief, sometimes less or more, sometimes hurting, sometimes feeling blessed, sometimes needing help, and sometimes pushing everyone away.  But it is exactly what we need to do, be, etc.

Don’t let anyone give you a time frame or suggest that you have to do it at their schedule.  Be patient when you can.  Try to be compassionate.  And remember to breathe!

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Excerpt from:  Caring for the Caregiver:  Why your mental health matters when you are caring for others

by the World Federation for Mental Health, www.wfmh.org

Communication Difficutlities

“Communication is difficult for people with AD (Alzheimer’s Disease) and dementia, simply because they have trouble remembering things.  This means they have:

  • Trouble finding the right word when speaking
  • Problems understanding what words mean
  • Problems paying attention during long conversations
  • Loss of train-of-thought when talking
  • Trouble remembering the steps in common activities, such as cooking a meal, paying bills, getting dressed, or doing laundry
  • Problems blocking out background noises from the radio, TV, telephone calls or conversations in the room
  • Frustration if communication isn’t working
  • Sensitivity to touch, tone, and loudness of voices.


Personality & Behavior Changes:

Personality and behavior changes are also common over the course of AD or dementia.  Your loved one may:

  • Get upset, worried, and angry more easily
  • Act depressed or not interested in things
  • Hide things or believe other people are hiding things
  • Imagine things that aren’t there
  • Pace a lot of the time
  • Exhibit unusual sexual behavior
  • Hit you or other people
  • Misunderstand what he or she sees or hears
  • Stop caring about how he or she looks, stop bathing, and want to wear the same clothes every day.

More more info, check out there 67-page caregiver manual.   www.wfmh.org


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