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Archive for July, 2012

Hotei, god of happiness at J%u014Dchi-ji temple

Hotei, god of happiness at J%u014Dchi-ji temple (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Loving-kindness is the wish that others will experience happiness and find the causes of this happiness.  All beings long for happiness, but hardly any achieve it.  So to wish them as much happiness as possible and to wish that they may find the causes of happiness is called “loving-kindness“.  Loving-kindness has immeasurable qualities.  If you have ths love deep within your being, you naturally benefit others.  And there is no way that any kind of evil influence can harm you, for compassion is the most powerful weapon against negative forces.”

~~ Dilgo Khyenste Rinpoche

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Compassion

Chögyam Trungpa

Chögyam Trungpa (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Generosity. . . arises when the Bodhisattva is intoxicated

by compassion and is no longer aware of himself.  His mind is

not merely filled with compassion,

it becomes compassion, it is COMPASSION.”

~~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

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Community

“There is an “allness” to community.  It is not merely a matter of including a matter

of including different sexes, races, and creeds.  It is also inclusive of

the full range of human emotions.  Tears are welcome

as well as laughter, fear as well as faith.”

~~M. Scott Peck, The Different Drum

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To Do What Needs to Be Done

“It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up,

after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.”

~~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Fear of Dying

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/10/opinion/afraid-of-dying-alone.html?_r=1

I really enjoyed this article when it was published several months ago.

It was nice to see that someone else thinks about death and that I am not alone.  Granted this writer is about a decade older than me.

But look at the assumption that I just made.

Only older people think about dying.

It’s not right for someone “as young as I am” to think about dead. . . it’s abnormal.

Interesting thinking from a person who dearly believes that our greatest deed in life is to live our lives with the awareness of death always close.

And I totally respect what Kumiko is already thinking.

When you live alone, you wonder what if I were to die.  Who would know?

If you don’t have a spouse anymore or don’t have kids, you think, wow, someone will bathe me and possibly feed me some day.  What’s that going to be like.

I think about my grandmother who has dementia and the fights with her daughter, the confused calls to my mom, and the reality in which grandma lives in.  And I wonder, will that be my mom?  Will it be me?

And I think about others things as well.  I’ve worked at hospice and seen loving strangers take gentle care of patients and that gives me hope.  Who knows if I will leave this world in a way that I will be able to use hospice, but I am comforted in knowing that it could be an option.

It’s not about worrying and fretting.  It’s thoughtful thinking about the future and letting it inform who you are today.

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Courage to See

“It has always been scary

to step into the circle of firelight,

to show up in the company of strangers,

to ask for entrance or to offer it.  Our hearts race —

Will we have the courage to see each other?

Will we have the courage to see the world?

The risks we take in the twenty-first century

are based on risks human being took

thousands of years ago.

We are not different from our ancestors,

they are still here, coded inside us.

They are, I believe,

cheering us on.”

~~ From Christina Baldwin, The Seven Whispers

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What Frightens Us Most

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~~ Marianne Williamson, from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

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Beauty

“May I walk in Beauty before me.

May I walk in Beauty behind me.

May I walk with Beauty above me.

May I walk with Beauty below me.

May I walk with Beauty all around me.

As I walk the Beauty way.”

~~ Navaho Prayer

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So thrilled that Lou posted this! I’m working on an outline to teach Nonviolent Communication in my Psych 103 class. Thanks Lou!

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Compassion doesn’t always mean being nice to people. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation is to be rough with someone. We have to be balanced in accord with each situation.

~~Gerry Shishin Wick Sensei, “Zen in the Workplace: Approaches to Mindful Management”

I usually post quotes that I agree with, that inspire me, touch me, etc.

This one did touch me, but not in the usual way.

I totally agree that being compassionate doesn’t always mean being nice.

That was a hard thing to learn as a young therapist so many years ago.

Compassion some times mean being honest, telling someone things they don’t want to hear.

I wanted to be a therapist because of the work of Carl Rogers.

I loved the idea of the therapist’s office being a safe place where the therapist and the client could come together, be honest, and genuine.

Imagine what it would be like to not have to keep up the pretenses, not have to wear the masks, etc.

So I guess you could say that my philosophy was WYSIWYG. . . What you see is what you get.

I don’t apologize for this either.

But then there is the next sentence of Sensei’s quote.

Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation is be rough with someone.

What does that mean?

I don’t think there is ever a good time to be rough with someone…

Now, may Sensei means being honest, being congruent, “telling it like it is”. . . we can do all that with compassion.

But I don’t consider that being rough.  Is there ever a time when we have the right to be rough with someone?  I know that I have been at my job that I know have.

I get tired of programs not being run and people not being held accountable.  But me getting “rough” with someone has never done me any good.

I have a friend who always says it’s all about the relationships and I tend to believe her.

That doesn’t mean I always take the time or muster the energy, but I think it’s something that I and all of us need to work toward.

There has never been a time that I got “rough” with someone, lost my temper, or did not temper my words with a deep breath, some restraint, or mindfulness that I did not regret the situation for a while after the scene.

So maybe this is a good koan to sit with for a while.

Can you be compassionate and rough?

What does rough mean?

Is there ever a time that we are justified in doing more than being honest and congruent?

What if being angry at someone or heavy-handed is what your feeling and therefore congruent.

What about things like Marshall Rosenthal’s Nonviolent Communication?

A lot of things to unwrap in this little package.

Would love to hear what you think.

Please drop a comment and share how this strikes you.

Peace, Jennifer

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