Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Trauma’ Category

All violence is injustice.  Responding to violence with violence is injustice, not only to the other person but also to oneself.  Responding to violence with violence resolves nothing; it only escalates violence, anger, and hatred.  It is only with compassion that we can embrace and disintegrate violence.  This is true in relationships between individuals as well as in relationships between nations.

~~  Thich Nhat Hanh, “Cutivating Compassion to Respone to Violence”

This quote is a bit of a hard one to chew on right now.  First because it feels like we are enveloped in a violent world.

We’ve ravaged the planet.  Multiple countries are at war in the world and no one except, maybe France, has declared war. . . or so it seems. Our political candidates are inciting mobs to injure people and some are saying hateful things about certain groups that if the candidate laid a hand on the people they hate so much, it would be called a hate crime because of their protected status.

A war on drugs.  On cancer.  On the left.  On the right.  Women.  Abortion.  Christmas.  We seem to have a constant sale on wars and we can’t get enough.  And all of this violence and absolutely nothing feels just.

On a personal note, this quote is a bit tough to meditate on becuase I find myself getting so angry when I read Facebook.  I want to (and admit I sometimes do) post messages that are mean, name-calling, etc.  It is all just TOO much.

But then, I take a minute and reflect which then leads me to reflect on more things for more time.  One of the things I keep trying to bring to my mind’s eye is a picture from a Thich Nhat Hanh talk (I don’t remember if he said this in 2003 when I saw him or if it was an audio Dharma talk).

He said when you are seated on your cushion, sit tall and steady.  And place your hands on your lap, palms up, and imagine a baby Buddha sitting in your palms.  Hold your hands like you are cradling the baby Buddha and allow a half-smile to come to your face as you glance down at the baby.

I find when I can remember to do this, to take the time, it settles me.  I try to think, what if whomever I am angry at was the baby Buddha.  How would my anger, my frustration, my mindlessness affect the baby? Would I want to do that to the baby Buddha?

And lately, I have been asking myself, can you hold the whole planet like it is the baby Buddha?  Some days I can and I feel at peace.  Other days, I don’t think I can hold anything because I have fists, not open palms.

Right now, where are you?  Can you sit and imagine yourself as the baby Buddha?  The planet?  The person who cut you off on the parkway?  Your boss?  The person at the grocery store?  Can you imagine any little bit of love that can start to cool the embers that envelope us all on this planet?

Take gentle care and remember those around you are suffering just like you.

Love and peace, Jennifer

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Driving up to see my parents today, I was thinking about yesterday’s post. I wrote

How many times do we hold on to things we heard growing up?  How many times do we refuse to look at a thought because we can’t imagine who we would be without it?   ~ Let Your Ideas Go

As I was driving, I was thinking of how much hate there is in the world, but in particular, in this country.  Our education system is failing.  We have more and more people being home schooled with very little oversight.  If you never leave your home, how do you ever learn that what’s you have heard your whole life is garage?  Is lies?

What happens when you are taught generation after generation of hate, lies, misinformation, bigotry, etc? When you don’t get to socialize with others?  I think it was when I went to college when I finally found out how different other’s had grown up and what they had learned and believed.  

If we never have the opportunity to un-learn what we’ve learned or never have the chance to learn another side, how can we grow, thrive, trust, and foster compassion?

Has our rustic individualism, cowboy-mentality, racism/sexism, etc in our country created out uneducated, unempathetic, and unkind world?  Is there a way to turn back or is it that with social media and a total lack of privacy that we see that it’s always been this way?  Is this what has allowed people like Trump to exist and thrive and spew his hatred??

Thought?  Ideas?  Suggestions?  Comments?

Take Gentle Care, Jennifer

 

Read Full Post »

It is hard to let go of things, harder to let go of ideas, and even harder to let go of spiritual pretensions. Over time, as we familiarize ourselves with the many subtle twists and turns of letting go, we begin to be more savvy about how ego steps in to appropriate the entire process. In the millions of mini-decisions we make day by day and moment by moment, we are challenged each time either to let go or to re-solidify.  ~~~  Judy Lief, “Letting Go”

This has been a huge topic in my life this year and I finally came to grips with the face that I needed to sit with this topic or go mad.  Well, not really.  More like be mad, frustrated, hurt, angry, disappointed, betrayed, etc.  And I think I could write 100 blogs articles on this topic and never feel satisfied.  But from now until my next birthday, March, I plan to look at this topic, again and again, to see what truth it holds for me.

The hardest thing to let go of this year was a long time friendship. . . no the long, long ones, but someone who I’ve known about 10 years and had immense faith in up until recently.

It’s so painful to feel betrayed and lose the fidelity of someone you consider to be family, to be a sister, and someone whom you’ve shared the intimate stories of your life.

I’ve long known that friendships did not last forever.  I’ve lived in many places and have lost touch with people mostly because we were out of proximity.  I few people I’ve even turned away from when my grief was too much and I could not take the energy expenditure it took to keep up with the friendship.

And what I have found with time is that letting go of idea, belief, quest, dream, person, etc. is that there are layers and layers to let go of.  For example, when Mike died, I lost a brother.  I lost my big brother.  I lost the person whom I looked up to, especially on things of culture as he loved music, fashion, the arts, cooking, etc.  I miss that influence in my life.  Genetically, he was the person closest to me in the world.  And for those of you who haven’t lost a sibling, that might not make sense and I hope you never have occasion to “get it”.

But just as this was true for Mike or Harris & Barb, or anyone else I have loved, it is true of our dreams, our fears, and our desires.

I ask you to join me, in the months ahead, to look at your life and see what no longer fits, what hurts, what you never use, what you can’t have because there is no space in your life, or who you need to let go, by choice or my circumstance.

Ask yourself:  How does this benefit my life today?  Does it bring me closer to my dreams?  Does it connect to the deepest part of me?  Can I trust this person?  Do I trust them enough to bring up the subject and work through the problem?  What about your health, your mental health, your body, etc?    Are there things you need to let go of, release out into the cosmos?  Do you need to say goodbye to stress, anxiety, mindless eating, anger, a stale job, or habits that do nothing or perhaps harm you?  Ask yourself what are you willing to look at?  Do you have support as you look at these things?  Maybe even start of with that question first — if you are going to let go and allow healing to occur, who is there to support you in your process?

Feel free to share via post or email.  If you use the Ask Here tab, you can email and if you tell me not to share it in a post, I will happily respect that request.

May your heart know great love and gentleness.

Jennifer

 

 

Read Full Post »

So in my post the other day, #Enough, I started to discuss the Four Noble Truths.  The first truth is: Life has inevitable suffering.  In Pali, the word for suffering is dukkha.  Dukkha can also mean ill-being, uneasiness, pain, or suffering.  Our experiences are not satisfying.  We cannot avoid pain, illness, trauma, stress, etc.  We age.  We get sick.  We experience the death of a loved one.  We can feel restless, hurt, disappointed, let down, depressed.  All of these experiences are seen or felt as negative and give us some sort of discomfort.  Right now, it’s 85 degrees in my office and I’m flushed and cranky.  That is dukkha.

When I read the posts on Facebook this week, I felt sadness, anger, frustration, helplessness, fear, etc.  All of this is suffering.  All over the world.  It’s unavoidable if you are sentient.  Think about childbirth; wonderful thing, right?  But with it comes morning sickness, nausea, stretch marks, pain, contractions, bloating, and swollen ankles and feet.  Yes, our end result is the beautiful life we bring into this world, but that beauty and love, and natural impulse toward bringing life into this world comes with difficult experiences.

And just as our suffering is part of our experience, from the very first breath we take, so is our innate desire to move away from pain.  I’m a baby and I’m hungry.  I want to move away from the hunger and I cry to let you know I need something.  Suffering.  I can’t leave a job I have, despite hating it, because I need the money, insurance, whatever it is that we get from being employed.  Suffering.  Payday comes and I feel happy to have money.  Almost all of my money goes towards paying bills and I’m left with enough to just get by. . .   Suffering.

No matter how happy we are, how loved we feel, how grounded, we still experience this kind of suffering.  It’s December and I’m too cold and wish it was 85.  It’s July and humid and I want it to be cold.  All this suffering that we try to escape.  And escaping isn’t necessarily bad but it can also cause more suffering.  But do I even realize I am suffering or am I just constantly ill-tempered and don’t know that I am constantly complaining.  This is suffering because I don’t even know what is contributing to my pain, and sometimes, I do not realize that I am in pain.

Stephen Levine has a wonderful cd mediation about grief.  Not just the loss of a person but all of the losses in our lives, such as pain.  So, he’s really talking about our dukkha.  And as he asks us to acknowledge it, feel it in our bodies, through the meditation he asks us to connect with all being, all over the world and in all times, that are having or have had the same experience of pain.  We connect with them and we see we are not alone.  We realize that if others feel pain, that pain is universal.  This realization can helps us to move from my pain into the pain.  Even though we are acknowledging all the pain in the world, when we look at the pain, it becomes easier to handle.  It’s not my pain or even our pain; it is the pain.

I had moved when I was in college, not really by my choice or so I thought at the time.  I had just spent two years studying existentialism and had read The Plague by one of my favorite authors, Albert Camus.  I felt alone, lonely, angry, frustrated, out of place. . .  I felt like I had been exiled from my own land, the place I knew and had lived for 20 years.  When I remembered Camus’ book and how some of the people felt out of place, I felt better.  I could relate and I felt less alone.  Someone, even it was Camus, as depicted by the characters in his book, knew the experience I was in.  I knew I wasn’t as alone, despite the fact that Camus had died in 1960 (11 yrs before my birth).

Two years later, I found out my brother had HIV and again, I turned my attention to Camus.  As Mike was dying and I was finishing college, I went to work for an AIDS social service agency.  I felt the plague all around me; not the HIV, but the suffering and dying.  Everyone I knew, save my parents and friends back home, was dying.  I felt like I was suffocating at times.  But when I thought of the residents of Oran, Algeria, and how they watched the suffering of others, sometimes to the point of doing not much more than talk about the weather to avoid the suffering that was everywhere.

As I worked with this fear, pain, sadness, and overwhelming experience, I realized, we are all dying.  All over this planet, as long as people had been alive, they were dying.  We might experience it differently, but in the end, dying.  So when I could settle myself and breathe, I could see that whether we knew we had an illness or not, whether we could predict when or not, we were all dying but it wasn’t my death or the death of my clients, it was THE DYING of all impermanent things/beings.

So I ask you, what suffering do you have in your present life?  Have you sat and just experienced it, with the tv off, without the sounds of the dog, the kids, the co-workers down the hall?  Have you allowed your awareness to scan your body and see where your suffering lives?  Have you breathed it into your heart and sat with the fact that there is suffering of all kinds in your life, all kinds of pain and losses.

Can you or will you just sit with what that is and feel it in your body, in your cells.  They tell people in AA that the first step is acknowledging that you are powerless.  In the case of Buddhism, the first truth is acknowledging your suffering.

Do you have a friend, a dog, a lover, a sibling, anyone who can sit with you in silence and allow you to sit with your suffering and be there to hold a safe space for you?  If not, what is that like?  If yes, are you willing to sit with it?

The First Noble Truth is there is suffering in our existence.  The Second Noble Truth is: There is a cause to our suffering.  This will be the next truth we explore.  Please share your experiences, if you feel comfortable and please come back and learn more about the Four Noble Truths.  Also, come back as I will have a post about Tongle Meditation that will post soon, giving you a way to sit with and work with your suffering

Until then, Metta.  Jennifer

Read Full Post »

I know, I know…. if you have been a subscribed reader, you know I’ve been away for a long time.  A very long time.  If it’s your first visit, welcome.  And know that if you are squeamish about the deep stuff (dying, grieving, loss, betrayal, anger, fear, the unknown), you may want to pass on this.

Seems like that happens  when at times, we maybe going through less reflective times where you just can’t hold anything more in your raw aching heart (Think Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche if you will).

For some time now, I have felt lost and I don’t know if I’m still lost or if I am found but I do know that things that you to mean something to me have come back.  It’s like I had a Hummel or a Llardo figurine and I placed it at the back of the china cabinet, to collect dust.  A few person situations and people in my life turned on the little light in the hutch and I’m interested in dusting because it’s so dark and crowded.  I’m interested in allowing what is covered-over to be new again and at the same time, grant me access to my history, my dialogue, and my connections.

It also helps that I have been reading again… no, I mean beyond a blog or a Facebook entry, real reading.  For periods of time, due to migraines, I’ve had to step away from reading and music because it was just too much stimuli.  Right now, I have the energy to get re-involved with these things.

I’m currently reading, Peace Begins Here, by Thich Nhat Hanh.  I consider him my root teacher as his videos and practices were some of the things that led me to Buddhism in the first place.  I wanted to (finally) start, Calming the Fearful Mind by Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh’s affection nickname), but I found that I needed to back up a bit.  There’s too much in the noisy, busy, colorful, fear-based, politician-heavy world right now and I could not just jump right in.  I did; however reach for these books as a result of the Attacks on Paris on 11/13/2015, and Beruit on 11/12/13, and all of the other disasters that week.

I dedicate the merit of my reading and sharing, meditating, and praying, and silence to those who were ripped from this world, the first responders, the families who are now grieving, and the people of Paris & Beruit, Syria, every country, every where…

I dedicate the merit to the killers as well.  I know, I know, you’re grabbing a pencil and piece of paper (I just dated myself), to give me a laundry of the reasons to hate the members of ISIS, terrorists, Muslims, (all of the nameless “thems” that we want to hate so much.  Why do they deserve merit after such cowardly, hateful events?   Well, becomes someone has to.  Because if not, then hatred wins.  If not, than I have lost more of my humanity than I realized.  If not, then we are doomed to destroy ourselves.

Here is an excerpt from Thay’s book Peace Begins Here that began my journey inward:

Like everyone else on this earth, I long to have a home in which I can feel safe.  It is in human kindness, the kindness that is in me and in your, that I find this safety.

Yes!!!!  Yes!!!!! (I can’t find the like button on the page of the book).  There is so much in those two sentences, but I will “unpack” them another day.

Thay goes on to write:

That is my refuge and it is everywhere, even if sometimes it is hidden from my eyes.  I am learning to touch it and cultivate it more and more in myself and others.

It was with those words, I began to cry. . . we have a huge refugee crisis on our hands, right now, in this world, and our leaders (and many voters) have a mountain built on top so as not to see the pain that is global right now.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, they put a wall of barbed electric wire around it to keep them from ever looking and to keep others from trying to penetrate it.

But no, it’s not just theirs; it’s ours too.  We elected the politicians, or worked for these powerful people. . . we didn’t speak up, we didn’t didn’t struggle to find our own light, or let a million other things help us evade one primordial piece of wisdom:  we are all refugees and we all need each other, need a place in this world.

When I lost trust in myself and in others, it is because I forget that this kindness is there.

And that’s when I turned my Kindle off.  And allowed myself to grieve.  Not a single tear down the cheek or the simple cry that comes from a Kleenex commercial, but the kind of grief that hits you where your deepest pain is.  Yeah, that’s where this is. . . in the depths of our existence (my existence), we have lost trust in ourselves and our world.  I have lost trust in myself, others, and this world that feels pretty alien.

So, let’s try to sit with this for a bit and re-read it:

When I lost trust in myself and in others, it is because I forget that this kindness is there.

It is these few words, from one simple paragraph in a book that I am choosing to meditate on, in the days to come, so that we might begin a dialogue.  We may not be able to bring about world peace, but if there is any peace left in any of our hearts, than there is hope.

I hope you join me as I sit with my thoughts, feelings, and sensations.  As I allow these words to weave in and out of my being.

Namaste.  Jenn

 

 

Read Full Post »