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Posts Tagged ‘Support group’

http://withsympathygifts.com/blog/griefsupport/4-things-you-should-not-say-to-a-child-who-has-experienced-death/

Here is a link to a quick post to remind you that children are often called “the forgotten mourners”.

Kids don’t grieve like little adults.

They don’t have the same coping skills or life experience.

Kids don’t sit down and talk about grief the way you or I might.

Kids learn through repetition.

They communicate through play.

They use all of their senses more often to understand.

They are often more concrete thinkers than adults.

But they do love and grieve. . . and I’ve never been more sure of anything else in the world.

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Be Aware: Grief work is a natural and necessary process

Be There: Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be experienced.

Be Sensitive: Learn to allow the pain rather than to remove it.

Be Human: Allow expression of feelings – guilt, anger, sorrow, depression – without judgment.

Be Ready: Listen attentively when the story is told again and again.

Be Patient: The process of mourning takes time.

 When a person is grieving and we do not know the right thing to say or do,

we may end up doing nothing.  The following are some specific suggestions

 to consider when helping a grieving person.

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“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they’re supposed to,

without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully.

The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.”
~~   Goldie Hawn

There’s letting go and there’s letting go  . . .

I remember being at an Association for Grief Education and Counseling conference and listening to Robert Neimeyer talking about grieving.  This was several years ago but his words have stayed with me, especially when I talk to grieving parents.

Bob said something like, “No mother comes into therapy and says, ‘Tell me how to let go of my child that died” and yet that’s what grief theory has been telling us forever.

I have to say, I knew some of Bob’s work before this, but with these words, I knew that we needed to do something amazingly different in the field of grief and in end-of-life care.

One of the things that is most important is to be a compassionate presence to our clients, to hold a space for them to feel safe to share their stories.  And then we need to listen to them and try not to cast a lot of notions onto them.

The idea of letting go can be traced back to an article from Freud on melancholy, not on grief.  And it was written during a time when they talked about removing libidinal energy from the deceased to something or someone new.  But many people know that, well, this just isn’t reality.

But I said that there was letting go and letting go. . .  letting go in the second sense is about compassion.

(Tomorrow I will post what I mean by letting go and what we can help support the bereft. . . )

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